“Wanna get a pizza?” It’s one of the phrases I hear quite often which, especially coming from people who know me at all, winds me up the wrong way.
“I don’t like cheese.”
“Oh yeah I forgot.” “How can you not like cheese?” “Why don’t you just try it again.” “Woah, that’s weird.” “What about this kind of cheese?” “You can pick it off your side.”
They don’t mean any harm. Sometimes they think they’re being helpful. What’s a lifelong issue to me is easily forgotten by those who don’t live with it. If I could change my taste buds I would.
In the same way those conversations get tiresome to me, there must be, like a billion, other people out there who are bored of this exact same attitude when it comes to their health and especially; their mental health.
So once again, I took to my new found support network of instagram and asked my friends on there, what words and phrases are you fed up of hearing? What grinds your gears? What makes your blood boil when it comes to your health? And with their help & little vents, I’ve managed to come up with this list.
16 years experience of battling my own mental health problems is longer than some early-comfortably-retiring psychiatrists hold their specialisms or even doctorates for. With the added, maybe 300+ years experience from my insta supporters, I think we’re pretty much qualified to suggest these. I tried to group and simplify similar suggestions.
I’m not saying it’s always wrong to offer these words but they’re mostly something anyone (‘normie’ or not) needs to deeply consider before leaving their lips.
*Always remember: you might not agree with someone’s opinion but you must respect their right to that opinion.
Telling us HOW to feel:
These words are like telling my taste buds to like cheese, telling someone to stop having toothache. You know it doesn’t work like that.
Even I sometimes slip up here – no one is perfect and however pure your intentions, sometimes this stuff hurts more than saying nothing at all.
All of them can be prefixed with “Just” for a deeper cut.
- Stop being over emotional – thatgirlkirstyb
- (just) Enjoy your life – davidmk81
- Choose to be happy – actnaturalana
- (just) Let it roll off your back – bullet.aka.journal
- Take a chill pill – theangelinthedarknesss, moiraslater1261
- Calm down – theangelinthedarknesss, sarah_loves_roses
- Snap out of it –theangelinthedarknesss, chip_daniel
- Keep your head/chin up – isaak_j_nahanom, sarah_loves_roses
- Don’t take yourself too seriously – isaak_j_nahanom
- Try harder – chip_daniel
- Push yourslef – scmonster831
- Just ignore it/don’t think about it – zariliel, nurse.ocd
- Just relax – mindmeconsulting
- toughen up – alanna.dejong, everbemel
- Think differently – stongerthanthemind
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself – thebruised butterfly
- Breathe – forsterjchef, sarah_loves_roses, sharmaine8490
- Stop being negative – punkypinup77
Telling us WHAT we feel:
Again, nice sentiments but ones which will fall on deaf ears when we’ve heard it a thousand times before. You don’t get to decide whether we feel sad or not, you don’t get to decide what our actions mean. Telling us our future is rosy – even sometimes true – just de-validates our emotions in the present.
- It’ll be allright/You’ll be alright – bullet.aka.journal, alifeinperfectbalance, stonesborderline
- You’re always playing the victim – geniusizeyourcriminal, zariliel,
- You’re fine – mjudd_181
- It’s all in your head/mind – moiraslater1261, leigh.heart
- You’ll get over it – izzyinoz
- You are overreacting – doll_hospytal_cosmetics, jstarlight1985, slefworthisworthit
- You are strong – pooky_the_scottish_cat
- You can get through this – pooky_the_scottish_cat
- You’re just lazy – izzyinoz, zariliel
Sometimes out of frustration, anger, ignorance or misguided information these often slip out from percieved ‘normies’.
I’ll probably have to write a separate post correcting all this misinformation at some point!
- I’m so OCD/bipolar – thatgirlkirstyb, motivated_kye
- That’s so OCD/bipolar – mikos2112, becca.b.brave
- Have you taken your meds – yep.its.holly, laura.stimson
- That’s crazy – geniusizeyourcriminal
- She’s a psycho bitch – doll_hospytal_cosmetics, sarah_loves_roses
- Stop making threats – motivated_kye
- There are people far worse off – chip_daniel
I have to include moiraslater1261’s amazing response here;
I always say to them “telling someone they can’t be sad because someone has it worse is the same as telling someone they can’t be happy because someone has it better”
- What’s wrong with you? – fabbipolarlife
- There’s nothing to be anxious about, it’s just food- pratfallofemily
- You’re not the only one – manchestert
- Positivity is your friend – confidentlikekate
- I know all about ___, I read ___ – whateverhoneyok
- Attention-seeking – moodybluewaters, et al.
- But it happened so long ago/you should be over it by now – the.happy.path, marshmallowdreamsandlemondrops, 999_fine_n_vinatge, themacerica, becca.b.brave
Giving “not-well-thought-out” advice:
There seems to be a bit of a crossover with another post I wrote;
“The Best of the Worst ‘cures’ for Mental Illness” which you can find here.
Mostly, it’s people who have not bothered to get to know someone or they’re less informed than they think but sadly, it’s true, some people just get fed up of being on that roller-coaster with you – that is their right.
I wanna leave this as an ever expanding dictionary, any other entry suggestions, comment away! If it helps, direct your support system this way too.